I just gotta be heard!
What follows below is a growing trove of verbal assaults and quaint musings relating to some of the sillier things going on around us. Some of the material is a re-scripted, re-recorded version of material that went to air during a weekend radio show I did over several years on 96three FM in Geelong and some is new material. This is my take on the News of the World.
Lastly, why even do this? Do I really crave attention enough to bother putting my voice to some comical musings on the wider world? Well, if you happen to be involved in the management of a radio station with paid jobs to offer, then YOU are the target demographic.
To that end - here's the most recent voice track I downloaded at the studio:
Cook in your own toilet - the tiniest flat ever
A new low has been reached in the Chinese property market allowing renters to save money. Keanu had the right idea with that pod in The Matrix - and if he was able to offset power generation against his rent bill, that would have been a great bonus.
The Mirror
Police Rescue Dummy from Art Gallery
A simple phone call to the gallery would have done it. Instead there is a door broken off its hinges and two confused officers of the law doing the right thing and bringing the count of dummies on display to three.
Sky News
Japan’s latest alcohol advice: please drink more
The government of Japan has done something few governments would dare to do. They are trying to get citizens to booze more so as to increase tax revenue. What does this mean if you get caught by the cops over there?
Financial Times
Indian man accused of bank arson after loan was rejected
Banks are none too popular when rejecting a loan application - or at any other time. But attempting to burn a branch down for rejecting an application is taking things to the next level.
The National
Scientists Discover A New Formula To Calculate A Dog's Age In Human Years
You know the old idea that dogs age at 4 times the rate as humans. It’s gone pretty much unquestioned a long time. But now, like everything else, its way more complicated. Dogs are getting smart.
Complex.com
Box of Human Heads Stolen from Denver Truck
Getting ahead in life doesn't have to involve years of hard work. You could steal one which has been dedicated to science. A thief made off with a barely-marked box containing about the most unlikely loot imaginable.
UPI
Photographer Snaps Photo Of Mama Duck With 76 Babies
Getting your ducks in a row is easy if you're a mother duck. But managing 76 of them is tough no matter what species you are. A photographer got lucky one day to catch this rare sight.
CBS Local
Egypt zoo accused of painting donkey to look like a zebra
Some inept zookeepers have pulled off the most unconvincing con in all history with a donkey painted black and white to look like a zebra - and a child could have done a better job.
BBC
13-year-old trades Xbox, does yard work to buy his mom a car
A single mum of three got the shock of her life when her 13 year old bought her a car to ferry the family in. He sold his X-Box to buy it.
New York Daily News
Missouri couple must plant grass, even though wife is allergic
A couple in Missouri are looking at penalties of up to $180,000 or 20 years in gaol as they fight an order to grow more grass on their front lawn due to an allergy
Kansas City Star
Garbage Collector Finds Whale Vomit Worth Over $100,000
A Thailand garbage picker is about to restore his fortunes after finding something very unusual and valuable indeed washed up on the shore.
People
Florida Men Arrested After Allegedly Forcing Alligator to Drink Beer
There are certain things you are not allowed to do with wildlife. That includes getting alligators drunk and trying to make them bite you. It is alligated that two young men got into some trouble with the law.
Newsweek
Pub welcomes 433 Nigels for party to 'celebrate Nigelness'
A country pub in Worchestershire, England, has hosted a special event to celebrate some very special people. Anyone could attend, as long as they were men named Nigel.
The Guardian
Undertakers Nearly Take Wrong Body from Morgue
Its nice when Mr Bean is on the job and he's managing your funeral needs. One day such confusion reigned in a hospital morgue that there was nearly going to be a funeral for the wrong person. I saw this unfold myself and I feel duty bound to keep it all covered up.
Somewhere in Melbourne
Study: Commuting has an upside and remote workers may be missing out
Some people find it hard to adjust. Okay, the COVID lockdowns are old news. We all know they happened, but the studies continue, still. Some folks we rely on to be pillars of society had to get up top some proper shenanigans to get by during lockdown, even creating a fake commute to punctuate their days.
NPR